Research Paper ramblings...

I don't know what form I will have my research project be just yet (although I am leaning toward the multimedia one). I would like to focus on Emily Dickinson's poem "Much Madness is the Divinest Sense."
Within that poem, I would like to explore the idea of people in society treated differently based on their beliefs... or something to that effect. We as people treat people differently because we are sometimes threatened by the insight or knowledge one may have. I want to dig deeper into that.

I think that this topic is interesting and will have some information available to support my tentative hypothesis.

I could give examples of others who spoke their minds and were out-casted for it.

P.S. I have to use another text to go along with this...

Page 17: The panels on this page are more visual than auditory. The frames are filled mostly with darkness that represents the dread that Phil felt when entering the cubby hole. The menacing snap of the cot catches your attention and you can almost here the metallic click and groan of it stretching into place. These frames make the father out to be a merciless character. He ignores the pleading of his youngest son, and continues to force him onto the cot. Phil's nose is rounded, but his father's is sharp and pointed. This gives insight to their personalities. Phil is innocent and childlike, but his father is stern and unforgiving. The text gradually becomes more chaotic. It went from small and linear to larger and more frantic, "NO NO NO NO..." The final frame shows Phil accepting his fate of having to spend the night in the cubby hole, but not quite ready to give up the fight. He scrapes his nails down the door.

Page 25: Craig felt he should have been the one to sleep in the cubby hole. He knew that he failed at being the older brother and that guilt built up inside of him. When the school bullies began mocking Phil, Craig snapped. This was his chance to protect his little brother. He didn't put up much of a fight and ended up in quite a mess. In the panel that Craig is in the bathroom Craig takes out his frustration on the toilet paper. He unrolls the toilet paper, and you can almost hear the squeak of the dispenser. He crumples the most-likely rough paper and mashes it to his face. The background color changed from black to white... as though his frustrations were disappearing as he calmed down. He runs his bloody palms down the mirror, leaving behind red streaks. This is similar to the final frame on page 17. Now Craig had taken the same beating as Phil.

Craig's Relationships:
his brother: (pgs 12,19,21,44, 71) He doesn't give the impression that they are close, but Craig loves Phil.
God: (55, 56, 80, 87) Craig feels that God is the only person who accepts him and offers him a better life.
himself: (86) He is unsatisfied with himself, and longs for something better.
Raina: (173) Craig is really happy with Raina, and she accepts him.
the Church
his parents

"I cannot recall a time when I did not know I was special."
This is a quote from Jeanette Winterson's Oranges are not the Only Fruit. It's on the first page of the text and is subtle but significant.
It has a broad sense of foreshadowing, but at the same time it creates a relationship between the reader and Jeanette. I felt a connection at that point because I think that everyone believes that they are special is some sort of fashion. We're all stuck in our heads a little bit. Remember the idea in McCloud's book that some think the world revolves around him/her. He illustrated this by drawing himself walking and seeing the world in front of him, and behind him (only when he looked). The world would disappear when he did not look at it.
It's a selfish way of thinking, and I thought that was almost the way of thinking of Jeanette, but then I realized she thought of "special" in a different way. Not the way of "the world revolves around me" but a special that was different. It's not necessarily a bad different, but it was enough to create issues for her (that ultimately made her into a better person... in my opinion). She became herself. It took her some time to pave her own path and separate her thoughts from her mother's but she became true to herself, and that was special.

I believe in God, but I don't go to church. I remember in Elementary school other kids would ask me why I didn't go very often. Well, my church closed down because of the lack of care that people put into the establisment. The Preacher demanded more money than the parish could raise and therefore, it fell apart. Can you blame me for not trusting an establishment in the name of God? Instead, I can trust myself. There is always a safe place in my heart that God can stay and no one can take that away.
My parents have always given me options about religion, among many other things. When I was little they seemed strict, but no I see that they are always protective yet open to new things at the same time.
I apparently thought it was February 23, and I read the first half of Blankets instead of the assigned Oranges are not the Only Fruit. Therefore, I can't complete the rest of this blog until I backtrack and catch up.

My own view of myself may be different than how others view me.  I could be way more critical of myself than anyone actually is of me.  My point is that people judge themselves more harshly because they believe that's what others are doing about them.  Pecola desperately wanted to have beautiful blue eyes because she thought that having blue eyes would make people see her in a different, and better way.  

There is the fact that she was black and that there were prejudices set against her, but she made a mistake when she let it change her opinion of herself.  Jin Wang did the same thing.  He seemed constantly paranoid that we was going to be pushed into the role of the stereotypical Asian and not be seen for who he was.  His defense?  He changed himself (of course Pecola's tale was more realistic and she couldn't change herself, but that's exactly what she wanted to do). 

That youtube video about the black or white preference in dolls is interesting and in a way sad.  I thought that because psychologically we prefer things that resemble ourselves, that the children would choose the baby that was most like them.  I know that I would have chosen the white baby.  I have this memory from a few years ago when I was playing barbies with a friend (who was black).  She had Barbies in both black and white.  I basically have white Barbies, unless you counted Pocahontas or Jasmine.  I was just raised that way, and I didn't know there was anything better.  I didn't buy my dolls, my family or friends did.  I feel that so many factors play into that experiment, such as that child's background, experiences, or who they are surrounded by.  

I have to go, but I'll try to expand more later. 

My Papa's Waltz

I find it hard to decipher if one line out of an entire poem could be the most meaningful, but if I had to choose... it would be the very last line.  "Still clinging to your shirt."  It's not as detailed as the previous lines where Roethke spoke of the scent of whiskey and a battered knuckle.  Instead there is an innocence to this last line.  It's as if the child were taking note of all the faults in his father, but ignoring them because this "waltz" or rhythm of life is comforting to him.